Fall on your knees, hear the angel voices...

Okay, okay I've been meaning to post a blog for awhile, but I can't think of anything to write on haha... well obviously on the blog, but I couldn't think of something to write about. So I shall just start writing and see what happens haha, that can never be good ;)

I was going to write something about Christmas and the holidays, but I don't have anything to say about them. Holidays are overrated this time of year anyways :)...

Uhhh... wow, it never takes this much for me to think of something to ramble about... hmmm... how about beef sticks? Or evil juice boxes? Or I could discuss holy water, and the importance of keeping passwords at least relatively complex. Then there is the whole issue of crap, and haha... how about I just write a whole blog on everything I could write about, but not say anything more about any of them. Ah the freedom of blogging.

What's in a blog? That which we call a post by any other name would smell as sweet...

I don't get out much =l in case you can't tell *insert crazy evil laugh fading into awkward silence here*

I think I'm going crazy, or maybe I'm bi-polar bear or something... hmmm... oh well, it happens *shrugs* wow, so I think I should probably stop before... well who knows what might happen if I keep writing... *goes off to think of something she can write a real blog post about*

Oh yeah, and I like animal crackers, but not the frosted ones, those are icky. Just plain animal crackers... I steal them from kids I babysit all the time =/ *runs away*

It's clear...

Dear Blog,

I miss you.

Sorry I'm neglecting you.

Please forgive me.

Erika

They never get past arm's length...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what the best way to reach people is. I think so often we as chrisitans get caught up in trying to give the right answers and say the right thing, that we forget to be real. We put on this fake front of the strong, caring person that has it all together, and I think a lot of the time, people don't want to see that. I've realized that even myself, when I am struggling with stuff and when life gets hard, I don't need to hear the answers. Sometimes all I need is for someone to listen, and share in the brokenness. If people think that you are "perfect", why will they want to listen? Its when you open up and say "hey, I don't know exactly what you're feeling and I can't relate in the same way, but this is how I've messed up, and this is where I'm struggling, and this is how I'm getting through." I don't know why that is so hard to do, and I suppose thats something I need to work on, 'cause the fake church girl front really only messes you up lol. And I can say all this having been on both sides of the spectrum, we all just want someone to care. Are we being honest enough to show that we do?

Every one of us has stumbled, everybody's humbled...

I really do need to get away to have some time for myself to just think and not have to worry about anything. So this weekend, I am going with my mom to Duluth (which I have decided is one of the coolest cities ever) while she has a conference. I've been doing so much lately, that its hard to take some time to just chill, and relax a bit. When I just keep going, I forget to take some time with God, and even when I do have some time, I just want to finish other stuff. Yet still, I NEED that time to just refresh myself each day, and keep me going. Plus I really want to explore more of the fun shops in Duluth, we didn't get too much of a chance to last time... :-)

So yeah anyways... I am so excited for the end of December when my bro, sis-in-law and niece will be visiting for a few days. I haven't seen them forever, California is just too far for weekend trips ha...

ummm yeah... I don't really have much to say... I just wanted to post something since I haven't for awhile... and now I'm rambling... :)... okay bye

dear friend...

I wrote this to a friend of mine, but after talking with some other friends about things they were going through, realized that it describes a lot more people than just her...

Dear *********,

I don't even have words to tell you how much you mean to me. I hate to see you going through so much pain. No one should ever have to go through these things. You've come across so many terrible people, your heart has been taken and returned, broken beyond repair. When life became too much to handle, you let yourself become scarred. I could tell you that there's so much more, but I know that it may be hard to believe. I've watched as you've tried to cover this pain. After being failed by everyone you've come to trust, hope seems so far off. But girl, its only as far as you want it to be.

It makes me feel terrible to know I can't be there for you. So many times I've wanted to just wrap you in my arms and hold on tight, and maybe there's days when thats all you'd need. Miles away I feel helpless, I can't hug you to let you know I care, but I do. I can relate to the brokenness, the pain from feeling like a failure. Let me assure you that you haven't failed. You may have fallen, but it is just another opportunity to get back up. You have come so far in the past few months, and I know you have the strength to pull though this time.

God has told us that there is nothing that we can do to make Him love us less. It's something I've been learning a lot lately. And relearning and relearning (heh, God has to remind me of this often). Just bring everything before God, lay it out before Him and tell Him that you need His help, that you can't get through alone. I've found that the more I press into God, finding who He is, and who I am in Him, it is so much easier to fight. These battles were never made to be fought alone, God is ready to help overcome, just as soon as you let Him. God is on your side, and there is no force greater than He. The war has already been won.


Father, right now I just lift ****** up before you. You know exactly what she is going through, and can understand better than anyone else. I ask that you would just give her the strength that she needs to pull through, give her the wisdom and courage to win these battles. God I know that there is no way that we could ever understand your love and I just pray that you'd let ***** know how much you do love her, in her brokenness and through everything she's going through, especially as she's struggling to feel loved on earth. Help her to find someone in her life that she can talk to and find the accountability she needs to win these battles. Let her know that she is not fighting alone and give her the comfort she needs right now. Father, as ****** cries out, with nowhere left to turn, show her that you are waiting with open arms and are ready to wipe away her tears. I thank you for everthing you've done and have yet to do in *****'s life, you have such amazing plans for her, help her to see what they are...

In Jesus' name... amen.

Love ya so much chica!! Erika

17?? AHHH!!!!

Sooo... today was my birthday, and I'm already bummed about getting older (even if it is a day from yesterday) I don't want to grow up, not yet :-P Anyways, my mom found a baby album thing she made for me when I was, well a baby (up to like kindergarten or somewhere in there). As I was reading through this different stuff there was some things that were a lot of the same now, and a lot that has changed... and others that actually surprised me, so I thought it would be appropriate to post some of those...

Your first ideas about God were... "He loves me and makes me happy."
Ahhh, isn't that sweet :-P
What you learned about Jesus... "Jesus loves me and I can ask Him into my hear. I want others to ask Him in, too."
hmmm... really? wow...
Accomplishments: "You were a good role model for the children with delays and disabilities and loved to be a helper."
Well I still love helping out, but after growing up around people with disabilities...
Your best friends: Emily and Karl
Wow, I really lived a sheltered life!
The clothes you most liked to wear: Your very own styles! Mom called you "Punky" from a show- Punky Brewster wore goofy things that looked good on her.
Haha, rock!! Yeah, thats right... I was always a little rockstar! :-P
How you expressed your love for others: hugs! :)
*insert stern smilie here* ... ha...
How you showed your love of God: You sang songs, told your little friends about Him.
Of course, the image of perfect christian girl started back then, and really made things a lot more difficult then they had to be, but that was all then :)

Well it was fun for me to go through anyways... so yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say now... the end. :-P