You cry for me to let you, let you help me.

The light looks so good at first, and it feels so good to finally leave the dark behind. Yet as I step out, I can see all the scars I got in the dark. I didn't notice them then, I mean sure there is the pain as I stumble around in the blackness, bumping into things, but it wears off quickly, and then I just end up numb to it all. Yet still, in the light, these scratches haunt me, I don't like being able to see them. So I search for shade, any way to hide so that no one can see the real pain. But honestly, what healing can take place in the dark? How many people go in for a surgery and say "Hey, doctor, could you turn off the light before you start cutting me open, I really don't want anyone to see my wounds." You would be crazy to think like that! So am I crazy for trying to stay in the darkness when I know healing will come when I step out and allow myself to become vulnerable and let my scars be visible? Maybe its time to step out into that light and let the true Healer start working. To walk into the light and admit, "you know what, I am broken and I am scarred, but I trust that You know what You're doing and You can take these broken pieces and somehow create them into something beautiful." Life is hard, and you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way! It should be, it just shows that we weren't made for this life, that we were made for so much more. So bring it on... Let life give me what its got, 'cause compared to an eternity on streets of gold, my pain here is nothing, so why let it ruin my joy, why let it bring me down? No, I'm keeping my eyes fixed on that hope, that promise, one day there will be no more tears, no more hurt, and how can my pain be taken away if I haven't experienced it in the first place?

She lays outside and counts the stars...

My reality is simply a fantasy. The unimaginable is the truth. A good thing? Maybe not. Everything is so simple, it could be anyways. Yet we choose to make it so complex, just mix in a little doubt along with a fear of love. It only takes a little when all of a sudden you're further away then you'd ever thought you could be. It's so easy to hop into a big hole, it only takes a step and all of a sudden you're stuck at the bottom. To climb out though? Sometimes it seems like too much of an effort, do we honestly believe its better down here? We can claw at the sides all we want, but the only thing we're doing is scratching ourselves up, causing more bumps and bruises. When will we stop trying so hard to get ourselves out, and see the rope that has been lowered right in front of us. Freedom is right there, all we have to do is grab on, hold on tightly, oh so tightly. And maybe we have grabbed on before, only to loosen our grasp and tumble back to the bottom of this pit. Then we lost our trust, once again. But who was the one to let go? The rope hasn't gone anywhere, the grip on the other end is stronger than we could ever know. Did we let go because we thought we were too weak? Or was it because we had trusted ourselves to be strong enough and failed? What will it take for us to listen to the voice yelling down at as, crying for us to hold on, just hold on and He'll set us free...

What do you say to an angel who doesn't want to sing?

I can say its my blog, and hey I can write about whatever I want... haha but there is so much I want to blabber about, that I just can't... ahhhh... why do I know this? I don't wanna know this anymore... or I just wish it would become public knowledge soon... *shrugs* well for certain sometime this year... goodness, y'all would go crazy if you knew this... buahaha... okay, or maybe I don't really know anything and all that was said just to get you guys curious for no reason whatsoever. I think this is the part where I laugh kind of funkily. wow... see, theres a reason why I shouldn't be writing blogs. Which happens to be the same reason why you shouldn't be reading them haha.

I actually did have something semi-serious to write about, but I kind of forgot what it was. Oh well... so I'm thinking anyone who has a dog totally needs to get them this costume-

So, this last year... wow, its been crazy! In some ways everything has changed, while in others nothing is different. I've definately learned a lot in this last year, and know that this year is going to bring a lot more for me. And though at times it may hurt, in the end it will be amazing. God's got so much for me, for all of us, and I am excited to see where He brings everyone through this new year! I love you all, you've been so amazing!!