From the Shadows...

I know I keep saying I'll post a blog, but I never have anything to write... So here is my new blog, which is a story that LA and I wrote in a random conversation Christmas evening... There was a lot of convo behind it, but yeah. =)

A girl sits alone in the shadows. Pain is all she has ever known, hope has always seemed so far off. Yet, as she sits there, she feels something is different, her heart and mind are yearning for change. And in this moment she is ready for it.

Quietly, she watches as the sun rises above her. The darkness around her fades until all that is left is her own shadow, leaving a story behind her. As she stands, staring into the sky, the light brightens until it completely obliterates the darkness. It is almost blinding, but as our eyes adjust, I can see a smile on her face. It's a joyous smile full of freedom, realizing the darkness is gone. All of the shadows are gone. They will never torture her again.

She twirls, her arms extended to the skies as her broken tears now become tears of joy. Falling to her knees in amazement before God, she takes on the name Priyasha, beautiful hope.

Her eyes widen in surprise as her beloved, her lover, reaches down and grabs her hands. He pulls her up so that her eyes meet His, and His glance pierces her soul. His glance is full of passion, strength, gentleness, and love and she feels her soul leap inside of her. He then holds her with an embrace that is so intimate and full, an embrace that makes her forget about anything else. For He is her king, her best friend, her beloved, her lover... her savior that her heart so deperately longed for.

And as she sits on the lap of her beloved, feeling a sense of contentment she's never felt before, she looks back to where she used to stand. In her place, she sees a little girl crying, a girl so scarred and trying to stand. Her lover gives her a smile and hugs her tightly, before she walks back to that place. As she approaches the girl, and their eyes meet, she wraps her arm over the girl's shoulders, and points to the hope she so desperately needs, and together, they walk back to His arms.

He takes them both by the hands, and He dances with them. And they dance, and dance and dance. He places a crown on both of their heads to always remind them of their heritage and place with Him, and He gives them beautiful robes to wear to remind them that they are just as beautiful as the robes. He writes their names on the palms of His hands to remind them of the place that they have in His heart. Then He writes their names on their foreheads, for them always to remember what He calls them everytime His heart longs after them. Smiling, He whispers in both of their ears, "The story isn't over... It is coming."

As these girls look at Him, their eyes fill with wonder and awe at all He has done. Turning towards the horizon, they try to find the sun, searching for the sunrise, wondering why they can't see it any longer. And as He whispers gently to their ears, "This is not the end, your journey has just begun," they realize why they couldn't see the sunrise. They were standing right next to it, the light was coming from where they stood, leaving a trail wherever they traveled...

Fall on your knees, hear the angel voices...

Okay, okay I've been meaning to post a blog for awhile, but I can't think of anything to write on haha... well obviously on the blog, but I couldn't think of something to write about. So I shall just start writing and see what happens haha, that can never be good ;)

I was going to write something about Christmas and the holidays, but I don't have anything to say about them. Holidays are overrated this time of year anyways :)...

Uhhh... wow, it never takes this much for me to think of something to ramble about... hmmm... how about beef sticks? Or evil juice boxes? Or I could discuss holy water, and the importance of keeping passwords at least relatively complex. Then there is the whole issue of crap, and haha... how about I just write a whole blog on everything I could write about, but not say anything more about any of them. Ah the freedom of blogging.

What's in a blog? That which we call a post by any other name would smell as sweet...

I don't get out much =l in case you can't tell *insert crazy evil laugh fading into awkward silence here*

I think I'm going crazy, or maybe I'm bi-polar bear or something... hmmm... oh well, it happens *shrugs* wow, so I think I should probably stop before... well who knows what might happen if I keep writing... *goes off to think of something she can write a real blog post about*

Oh yeah, and I like animal crackers, but not the frosted ones, those are icky. Just plain animal crackers... I steal them from kids I babysit all the time =/ *runs away*

It's clear...

Dear Blog,

I miss you.

Sorry I'm neglecting you.

Please forgive me.

Erika

They never get past arm's length...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what the best way to reach people is. I think so often we as chrisitans get caught up in trying to give the right answers and say the right thing, that we forget to be real. We put on this fake front of the strong, caring person that has it all together, and I think a lot of the time, people don't want to see that. I've realized that even myself, when I am struggling with stuff and when life gets hard, I don't need to hear the answers. Sometimes all I need is for someone to listen, and share in the brokenness. If people think that you are "perfect", why will they want to listen? Its when you open up and say "hey, I don't know exactly what you're feeling and I can't relate in the same way, but this is how I've messed up, and this is where I'm struggling, and this is how I'm getting through." I don't know why that is so hard to do, and I suppose thats something I need to work on, 'cause the fake church girl front really only messes you up lol. And I can say all this having been on both sides of the spectrum, we all just want someone to care. Are we being honest enough to show that we do?

Every one of us has stumbled, everybody's humbled...

I really do need to get away to have some time for myself to just think and not have to worry about anything. So this weekend, I am going with my mom to Duluth (which I have decided is one of the coolest cities ever) while she has a conference. I've been doing so much lately, that its hard to take some time to just chill, and relax a bit. When I just keep going, I forget to take some time with God, and even when I do have some time, I just want to finish other stuff. Yet still, I NEED that time to just refresh myself each day, and keep me going. Plus I really want to explore more of the fun shops in Duluth, we didn't get too much of a chance to last time... :-)

So yeah anyways... I am so excited for the end of December when my bro, sis-in-law and niece will be visiting for a few days. I haven't seen them forever, California is just too far for weekend trips ha...

ummm yeah... I don't really have much to say... I just wanted to post something since I haven't for awhile... and now I'm rambling... :)... okay bye

dear friend...

I wrote this to a friend of mine, but after talking with some other friends about things they were going through, realized that it describes a lot more people than just her...

Dear *********,

I don't even have words to tell you how much you mean to me. I hate to see you going through so much pain. No one should ever have to go through these things. You've come across so many terrible people, your heart has been taken and returned, broken beyond repair. When life became too much to handle, you let yourself become scarred. I could tell you that there's so much more, but I know that it may be hard to believe. I've watched as you've tried to cover this pain. After being failed by everyone you've come to trust, hope seems so far off. But girl, its only as far as you want it to be.

It makes me feel terrible to know I can't be there for you. So many times I've wanted to just wrap you in my arms and hold on tight, and maybe there's days when thats all you'd need. Miles away I feel helpless, I can't hug you to let you know I care, but I do. I can relate to the brokenness, the pain from feeling like a failure. Let me assure you that you haven't failed. You may have fallen, but it is just another opportunity to get back up. You have come so far in the past few months, and I know you have the strength to pull though this time.

God has told us that there is nothing that we can do to make Him love us less. It's something I've been learning a lot lately. And relearning and relearning (heh, God has to remind me of this often). Just bring everything before God, lay it out before Him and tell Him that you need His help, that you can't get through alone. I've found that the more I press into God, finding who He is, and who I am in Him, it is so much easier to fight. These battles were never made to be fought alone, God is ready to help overcome, just as soon as you let Him. God is on your side, and there is no force greater than He. The war has already been won.


Father, right now I just lift ****** up before you. You know exactly what she is going through, and can understand better than anyone else. I ask that you would just give her the strength that she needs to pull through, give her the wisdom and courage to win these battles. God I know that there is no way that we could ever understand your love and I just pray that you'd let ***** know how much you do love her, in her brokenness and through everything she's going through, especially as she's struggling to feel loved on earth. Help her to find someone in her life that she can talk to and find the accountability she needs to win these battles. Let her know that she is not fighting alone and give her the comfort she needs right now. Father, as ****** cries out, with nowhere left to turn, show her that you are waiting with open arms and are ready to wipe away her tears. I thank you for everthing you've done and have yet to do in *****'s life, you have such amazing plans for her, help her to see what they are...

In Jesus' name... amen.

Love ya so much chica!! Erika

17?? AHHH!!!!

Sooo... today was my birthday, and I'm already bummed about getting older (even if it is a day from yesterday) I don't want to grow up, not yet :-P Anyways, my mom found a baby album thing she made for me when I was, well a baby (up to like kindergarten or somewhere in there). As I was reading through this different stuff there was some things that were a lot of the same now, and a lot that has changed... and others that actually surprised me, so I thought it would be appropriate to post some of those...

Your first ideas about God were... "He loves me and makes me happy."
Ahhh, isn't that sweet :-P
What you learned about Jesus... "Jesus loves me and I can ask Him into my hear. I want others to ask Him in, too."
hmmm... really? wow...
Accomplishments: "You were a good role model for the children with delays and disabilities and loved to be a helper."
Well I still love helping out, but after growing up around people with disabilities...
Your best friends: Emily and Karl
Wow, I really lived a sheltered life!
The clothes you most liked to wear: Your very own styles! Mom called you "Punky" from a show- Punky Brewster wore goofy things that looked good on her.
Haha, rock!! Yeah, thats right... I was always a little rockstar! :-P
How you expressed your love for others: hugs! :)
*insert stern smilie here* ... ha...
How you showed your love of God: You sang songs, told your little friends about Him.
Of course, the image of perfect christian girl started back then, and really made things a lot more difficult then they had to be, but that was all then :)

Well it was fun for me to go through anyways... so yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say now... the end. :-P

If my lips moved to Duluth...

...I'd gladly join them there!! I was so excited for this past weekend, but I kind of went thinking I'd probably be disappointed at how the concert and everything went. And yet again, it was so much better than I even let myself imagine. I might even have to say that it beat the concert when we got stranded in the storm with John Reuben... I love how everything was spur of the moment... we didn't have any set times or plans, so we just let it flow, ya know?


When we first got to Duluth, we decided to hang out in this cute area of town with a bunch of shops and such. Plus it was right by the gorgeous lake, and a lift bridge that we got to see a few ships go through. That sounds really lame, but we were very excited about it. We also went to this area with a bunch of cute shops, but only got to go in one since we had to uhhh... find a bathroom lol. My dad met up with us a little later, and we headed to the hotel for a few minutes before deiciding where to eat, which ended up being quite an interesting chinese place. Oh and the hotel, well thats a completely different story lol, very uh... amusing.

Oh yeah, I'm rambling... Well we left for the concert after dropping my dad off at the hotel, and I was pretty much an amazing navigator (for once, I'm not being sarcastic lol) and wow... we were about an hour early and there was already a ton of people there. But since we are so amazing, we managed to make it front row within 5 minutes of TFK's set and hold our place the entire time. I know the tricks, I've considered writing a book on tips for the ultimate concert experience, but have decided that it wouldn't work if everyone was doing them. Maybe I should anyways... would you read it? haha. Well TFK was pretty snazzy, very squishy 'cause everyone was pushing to get up front to secure a spot for TobyMac's show. BarlowGirl rocked, haha... we had printed out a bunch of little "woot" signs (about 120), and were going to pass them out and have people wave them during the song "Million Voices"... so yeah, Briar pretty much took care of that and we got those all spread around, but when Chia and I kept glancing back it looked like only 5 or so people were waving them. That was a bummer, but oh well. So then Toby came out and we rocked so hard we even knocked part of the ceiling down lol. (here's a pic of TobyMac with the piece of ceiling that came down)

It was a great concert, I wasn't even a little bit tired at the end (though my feet were starting to hurt.) Becca Barlow joined TobyMac and the Diverse City Band for their last song, and that was pretty much amazing, I was like "woohoo, she is all over the place" haha.


So Missy and Briar went off to look at TobyMac merchandise afterwards, and Chia and I headed to BG's signing line. There weren't like any security people, and it was pretty short, so it was really laid back, which was cool. Chey and I were going through chatting to the girls, Beka and their cousin Sarah about a bunch of stuff (like frisbee and football *insert stern smilie* haha) and Alyssa sees us and says that she saw all our woots and loved it (how she knew it was us is beyond me). I was like "really? Oh, we thought that no one did it." and she goes "No, I looked out and they were popping up all over the place." and Becca put in that she'd say there were at least 70... we were like "oh snap." haha. So we hung out for a little bit, and then got a picture of these random girls (thanks Sarah haha) before getting our picture. Goodness, I love being an SPer. lol

Well we headed back to the hotel for a bit, and then went to a beach area, I'll let the pictures speak for themselves, 'cause I've already written a ton... hehe

Maybe a blog isn't a good idea for me...

haha, or the people who'll read it :-P Oh well, we will get over it and then have a party. Or go bowling or something... hmmm *considers this* You know, this is my first post so I don't really have to be serious... I can ramble all I want, who knows, the nonsense may never end... muahaha... oh yeah well... I think it may stop sooner than we think... I'm done... I'll post something more meaningful later lol... bye!

'Rika